Disgaea: Unlimited
by Little Miss Independence
Summary: A collection of snippets, in no particular order, filled to the brim with crack with a dash of insanity. Spoilers may reside within.


_**...I have so many things I have to get to writing. I have to write up the third episode of Presence of Hope, and I have to get to writing my very long-neglected magical girls project.**_

_**Unfortunately, I am a total derpy derp who gets easily distracted. Not only that, but I am also one who has fallen head over heels in love with Disgaea. AND I HAVE THE POWER TO WRITE SNIPPETS ABOUT IT. AND YOU CANNOT STOP ME.**_

_**HAAAH-HAHAHAHAHA!**_

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Disgaea: Unlimited<span>_**

_The First Collection_

* * *

><p><strong>The Origins of Lucille<strong>

Valvatorez traded glances with Fenrich, who was trying not to freak out.

Vulcanus was trying not to laugh at this newest discovery, but failed and broke into hysterical laughter.

Fuka looked horrified, though Desco, bless her child-like ignorance of things like _this_, just tilted her head towards them.

Emizel was also trying not to freak out, but was failing rather spectacularly at it, if the completely horrified expression on his face was any indication.

"I suppose," the werewolf began, keeping his face entirely neutral, "that we'll have to buy some more crates of sardines. Perhaps we should buy an entire ship full of them. Or a fleet."

"In his state?" Emizel shrieked. "F-Fenrich, do you realize that he'll eat through them all in a matter of _days_? It was bad enough before, but now—"

"Emizel," Valvatorez interrupted, "your mouth. Shut it before I do it for you."

"Wow, somebody's cranky," Fuka commented, managing to get over her shock. "Oh, wait. You have a very good reason for it."

Desco only blinked at them. "Is something wrong, des?" she wondered. "You're acting all strange, Val..."

"Of course he would," Vulcanus gasped out between fits of laughter, "he's _pregnant!_"

"Really?" the wannabe final boss cried. "Oh, that's great! Congratulations!"

There was a pause, during which Fuka crumpled to the ground and Emizel's mouth opened in a silent scream.

"...But isn't getting pregnant for girls only?" Desco added.

Vulcanus, who was just getting over her laughing fit, broke into another one. "My sides hurt," she gasped.

Fenrich's palm went to his forehead. "I hate you all," he muttered.

"Does that include me?" Valvatorez yelled. "_Take that back!_"

There would've been a "Hello, mood swings" in there somewhere, but Vulcanus was far too busy laughing her guts out, Desco didn't quite understand exactly what was going on, Fuka was unconscious on the floor and Emizel was still reeling from the shock. Also, Fenrich was being beaten up, too.

Needless to say, no one got any rest, before or after the birth. And the Prinnies found themselves having to work harder to compensate for their boss's sudden and unexpected pregnancy.

* * *

><p><strong>Elevator Problems<strong>

It was a coincidence that all four of them found themselves in the same elevator. Laharl was going to replenish his supply of sweets—his vassals were all too busy, which meant _he_ had to do the work—while Adell was simply checking out the shop Rozalin recommended to him. Mao was going to a comic book shop and Valvatorez was going to get some more sardines.

They didn't quite see the elevator getting stuck coming.

"...What just happened?" Laharl asked. "Why aren't we moving?"

"Looks like it's stuck," Adell remarked. "Great, and I promised Rozalin I'd meet up with her..."

"How the hell did it get stuck _again_?" Mao yelled. "I thought these things were upgraded since the last time I was here!"

Valvatorez only sighed. "So what are we to do?" he asked. "I'm sure we can't just whittle away our time standing around. Maybe if we talk, the situation will pass in no time."

Adell fidgeted. "I kinda wanna punch something right now," he admitted.

"Tried it before," Mao cut in. "It didn't work."

"Can we slice it?" Laharl ventured.

Valvatorez felt a bead of sweat forming on his forehead, and wondered if it was the temperature in the elevator. "I'm not keen on paying for damages we caused," he replied.

Adell massaged his temples. "So, since there's nothing to do but talk...does anyone here know where you can get a good pair of boxing gloves around here?"

There was silence, during which Mao made his own feeble attempt at kindling a conversation between them.

"So," he began, "what do you think of the newest DC reboot?"

The other three only stared at him.

Then Laharl tentatively ventured, "Sweets, anyone?"

Valvatorez snorted in reply. "Sardines are clearly better," he responded.

Mao rolled his eyes. "Nothing can beat science," he scoffed.

Adell sighed. "Sparring's good and all, but neither it nor science are a food," he countered.

There was silence, during which Adell contemplated getting a job at the nearby weapons store to at least have something to do besides farming all day, Mao wondered exactly what he could do with so many specimens surrounding him, and Laharl and Valvatorez just wished the elevator could hurry up and get them out of this situation already.

It was inevitable, though, that something really weird would happen. It started when Adell, in an effort to lighten the atmosphere, joked, "Mine's bigger than all of yours."

Valvatorez sputtered in response. "You did not just go there," he snarled. "Everyone knows I've got it bigger than yours."

Mao swore. "Dammit, everyone always thinks we're compensating for something, don't they?" he muttered. "For the record, mine is bigger than yours."

Laharl snorted in response. "The original is better," he began, "so automatically, mine is bigger than all of yours combined! Suck on _that_!"

"You did not just say that," Valvatorez growled, his tone low.

Adell wondered exactly what he had unleashed.

**...**

A few minutes later, he had his answer.

"Move over! I can't quite reach!"

"You move over!"

"Maybe I should've dragged Fenrich and Vulcanus along..."

Adell, in the meantime, was busy trying to sort out exactly what had happened as to why all four of them were lying in a heap, deprived of their clothes and kind of...well, doing something with each other.

"I can't believe this happened," he muttered. "How am I going to explain this?"

Valvatorez simply stared at him, smiled, then silenced him by pressing his lips against his.

In the background, Adell could vaguely make out the sounds of the two Overlords giving in and kissing each other.

The explanation could wait for later.

* * *

><p><strong>Why Mao Is Not Allowed To Watch Gurren Lagann<strong>

It was an ordinary day in Evil Academy. The sun wasn't shining, the birds were being roasted, and there was a giant robot that looked strangely like a certain other giant robot rampaging on campus.

...back up a moment.

Okay, so see, it happened because Almaz, during one of his visits with Sapphire to the Netherworld, had left behind a DVD of Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann by accident. Just as well that he didn't leave behind a copy of DOUBLE K 0, because if he did, the chaos that was now making itself very well-known on campus would've been upped by, say, not only a giant robot, but also a giant-sized version of Gurrenrod.

Not that just, oh, _a giant robot bearing a resemblance to Gurren Lagann itself rampaging through the campus_ didn't cause a lot of damage by itself.

Also, it was being piloted by Mao, so the chaos that was bound to ensue was kind of expected. But not on this scale.

"MUHAHAHAHAHA!"

Raspberyl looked up...and up...and up...and up at the giant robot.

"You've got to be kidding me," she finally said. "Ten episodes of Gurren Lagann in and already he's finished with this?"

"Well, he is an honor student," one of the delinquent Archers remarked. "I don't think anyone thought he'd actually try to recreate the giant robot, though..."

Raspberyl sighed. "I did," she simply pointed out.

"Anyone other than his rival," the girl amended.

Kyoko and Asuka glared at Almaz.

"Sorry?" the hero offered.

Sapphire only smiled. "Come on, then!" she yelled. "I've always wanted to fight a giant robot!"

* * *

><p><strong>A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words<strong>

Adell looked up from the manga he was reading (borrowed from a certain mad scientist, of course) to find one very shaken Laharl stumbling into the house.

"What happened?" he asked.

"T-Too many..." the smaller demon groaned. "S-So much..."

"Uh...hey, did something happen?" he worriedly asked.

"I t-tried, but they were t-too many..." Laharl muttered, sounding very traumatized.

"Come on, tell me! Something happened, didn't it?"

Just then, Rozalin strolled in, followed by a gaggle of giggling girls, all with particularly large breasts.

Laharl screamed, then clawed at his eyes. "AUGH!" he yelled. "GET THOSE SEXY BODIES AWAY FROM ME! NOW!"

For the first time in his life, Adell found that he had to agree.

Priere, on the other hand, just smiled serenely.

"Just as planned," she remarked.

"What was that?" Sapphire asked.

"Nothing," the Overlord of Light (also known as That Overlord Who Used to Be a Nun and Can Kick Your Ass Ten Thousand Ways to Tuesday with Light Magic) replied.

"Oh, hi, Harlie!" Jennifer greeted the boy, who only screamed and wretched in response. "Fancy seeing you here."

Marjoly just smiled as well, exchanging a secret wink with Priere.

Salome didn't seem to notice the tiny Overlord screaming and wretching, instead carrying on her conversation with Sierra.

Vulcanus just smiled as well, mentally making a note to tell Etna that yes, she had won their bet and that she was going to have her one billion HL account now, thank you.

Rozalin, in the meantime...

"Adell, is there something wrong with you?" she asked the young man, who had frozen up out of sheer...er, terror or something. Or just plain dislike.

All in all, it was a horrible day for Laharl and Adell.

* * *

><p><strong>Twilight<strong>

"Okay, so what do you get when you have a werewolf, a vampire and—"

"Kindly shut up before I stuff you into a box and kick you off a cliff."

"But you haven't even heard the punchline yet! Come on, Val, lighten up!"

"I've heard all the Twilight jokes, all right? Just...just shut your mouth before I shut it for you. Please."

"Yeah, well, so what team are you on? Are you on Team Ed—"

POW.

"I told you so," Valvatorez said, watching as Xander got up from his prone position on the floor. "No more Twilight jokes. I've heard them all, and frankly, I'd rather not hear any more."

"Got that. No more Twilight jokes."

There was a silence.

"So—"

"No more Angel jokes, either."

* * *

><p><strong>Badass Boast<strong>

Etna looked over the piece of paper Laharl had written on, her eyebrow quirked up in curiosity. "What's this all about, Princey?" she asked.

Laharl sighed. "Let's see now," he muttered. "Etna, read it out for me, will ya?"

With a sigh, Etna took the piece of paper from Laharl's hand, and read.

"_I am the one they speak of when they talk of the most powerful evil,"_ she read. "_I show no mercy towards those who have wronged me, be they angels or demons, Seraphs or Overlords. When night falls, I roam the streets, spilling blood wherever I go. Once you meet me, you meet your doom. My sword and my will shall conquer this universe, and my name shall henceforth be synonymous with fear. I am Overlord Laharl, and your ass is mine to kick!_"

She sighed, then glared at Laharl. "Oh, gee, Prince, maybe you should work on toning it down a little," she advised. "Trust me, you'll just get laughed at."

* * *

><p><strong>Stuff Blows Up<strong>

"You know," Aramis solemnly said, "maybe we shouldn't have gone here."

"True," Stella agreed.

"And the worst part is," Asagi grumbled, "I don't appear! At all! I'm one of Nippon Ichi's most popular characters, what gives?"

"Maybe they didn't want you to underestimate these guys," Stella pointed out. "After all, they're all rather high-levelled, and if you just charged in, you'd be a pancake in three seconds."

"Jeez, Axel," Emizel hissed, "stop hogging the binoculars!"

A bus flew over their heads.

"On second thought," the reaper amended, "you can keep them."

Axel lowered the binoculars for a moment, blinked, rubbed his eyes, swore, then looked through them again.

"You've got to see this," he whispered. "Miku Hatsune, Morrigan and Etna are trying to out-sexy each other, Adell and Rozalin are holding their own against Bucky and Black Widow—oh, _man_, look at the clothing damage!—Valvatorez and Laharl are tag-teaming Sinestro, Magneto and Baal, Flonne's using her brand-new Pactio to curb-stomp Edward Cullen—good riddance to him, I say—Dresden just Hellfire'd Orochimaru, Mao and Raspberyl just Pactio'd and are beating up on the Joker—but I think he just tried to do that pencil trick, yuck—Deadpool's trash-talking Sapphire—oooh, can't say he didn't deserve Almaz hitting him in the face with Running Crosses for that one—and I think Flonne, Laharl and Mao just summoned giant robots. Are they combining?"

"They have no hope of defeating the Megazord," Rutile despairingly said.

"...Did Dresden just blow up both giant robots?" Emizel finally said, as pieces of colorful scrap metal flew over their heads. "Man, he really is a technobane."

There was a collective sigh.

"I'm afraid to think about what would happen if the Puella Magi and Sailor Senshi showed up," Rutile remarked.

"Stop jinxing us," Stella muttered, watching as Mami Tomoe joined the fight, guns a-blazing as Sailor Mars fired off Mars Flaming Sniper shots.

* * *

><p><strong>Of Different Worlds<strong>

The three Maos stared at each other, their hands on their swords as their respective parties rushed up towards them.

"...what," the one who had just detransformed from being a magical girl flatly stated.

The other one, who had a sword that definitely wasn't Yoshitsuna by his side, looked rather unhappy. "Satomi had better not blame me for blowing up her lab again," he grumbled.

The one who was an Overlord, on the other hand, was mentally performing the calculations in his head, and swore loudly once he found the mistake he had overlooked.

Ash blinked as he caught up to them, then glanced between the three Maos, scratching the back of his head. "Uh...Mao, did you try to duplicate yourself or something?" he asked. "You do remember the last time, right?"

Negi shrugged. "I think his invention went wrong again," he muttered, in a tone that was oddly reminiscent of Laharl's. "For all his intelligence, he's an idiot."

"Or maybe _our_ Mao tried to experiment with the fabric of space and time," Sapphire suggested. "That seems possible."

All three Maos flinched, whirled on their respective parties, and simultaneously yelled, "IT WASN'T MY FAULT THIS TIME!"

"...that's kinda creepy," Asuna commented.

Almaz quickly hid behind the nearest large rock, not wanting the trio to turn their attentions to him.

Ness sighed. "I am so glad I haven't met any duplicates of myself yet," he muttered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Waii, I am such a weirdo. The last one may not make sense, but it's kind of a reference to two of my ongoing projects: Disgaea: Presence of Hope and The Roulettes, the latter of which seems to only exist in my head these days. They both have TVTropes pages, though, so go add some tropes!<strong>_


End file.
